My Home
by fstigtmsb
Summary: Eilis tells Tony about her time back in Ireland and Jim. Now she fears the worst when things change between her and Tony
1. Chapter 1

I had returned to Brooklyn, to my husband. I missed Ireland, I missed mammy. I missed Jim. Was it possible to love two different guys at the same time. In getting to know Jim, I felt maybe perhaps I had fallen out of love with Tony. But seeing him across the street, having his arms around me again, no I hadn't stop loving him. Maybe I loved him more than I had realized.

We spent all of our time together, picking up where we left off. Even planned a small wedding celebration. His family welcomed me officially to the family with open arms, even Frankie.

But sometimes I still found myself thinking of home. Tony had said to me once that home was home. And while back in Ireland I felt as if I had found home again. I had found a reason to stay with Jim. But I realized I had done everything with Jim as Tony had me. I wondered if I would stop loving Jim.

I had told him I had to return to America because I was married and missed my husband. Just as I had mammy. And it wasn't until I saw Tony that I realized that had not been a lie. I did miss Tony and America was where my life was now, not Ireland. But you can never truly removed Ireland from the heart. You can take person out of Ireland, but not Ireland out of the person.

I went back and forth if I should ever tell Tony about Jim. I feared his reaction and feared he'd leave me. But I also felt he had a right to know and I needed to be honest. So one night I told him everything. He was quiet for a long time. When I asked him to say something he stood up and said he was going to bed.

I decided it best to let him alone and I found elsewhere to sleep for the night. Tony didn't look at me for days and each night we slept seperatly. And I began to feel my worst fear. Tony was going to leave me. I was staying back at the boarding house sharing a room with Sheila.

One day about two weeks later Frankie came over to the boarding house asking for me. He told me that Tony had become gravely ill. He had cut himself badly at work and it had become infected. Doctors said that they had done all they could, but to expect the worst. And at that Tony had begun to ask for me.

I went to the house with Frankie. There I was led to Tony's room. He was sleeping, beads of sweat on his pale face. I didn't wish to disturb him, so I sat near the bed in the chair just looking at him. My husband, my love. And in that moment there was no Jim in my mind. No longing for Ireland. No wishing I had not come back to America. Just Tony. My Tony. My home.

After a bit Tony began to cough. I reached over and put my hand on his shoulder to steady him. He opened his eyes to see me.  
"Eilis?"  
"I'm here Tony."


	2. Chapter 2

At that Tony gave me a small smile. "I'm sorry Eilis."

"What are you sorry for?"

"For being unforgiving."

"Tony, you had and still have every reason to be upset with me. I was not faithful to you in my committment. I allowed myself to have feelings for another guy."

"Yes, but you came back."

"I came home. Tony, one day I hope you can forgive me. I hope that you believe me when I say how sorry I am. I do love you Tony. That has always been true."

Tony smiled. He didn't say much more. His breathing was labored and staggard. And I worried. I didn't know how much time I had, if any at all. But I had to get Tony to not just know but to also believe that I loved him when I married him, and love him still. That he is my heart's home. My soul's other half. My true heart's desire and greatest love.

I left Tony sleeping and went back to the boarding house for the evening. Though I don't think that I got much sleep that night. The next day I went back to store to see if I could get my job back. I was welcomed back with arms wide open. After work I stopped by Tony's house again.

He wasn't awake and I did not wish to disturb him so I didn't stay long. As I was leaving his mother asked if she could talk to me. I told her sure. She told me that Tony was devestated when I left and only wrote him once or twice. He was so sure that he would never see me okay and he was starting to begin to come to grips with that. Then I showed back up and told him about Jim in Ireland. She had never seen him so deflated.

She knew that I had a good heart and it may have been in the right place. But wished that I had never returned. That I had stayed in Ireland and stayed with Jim. I told her that I was glad I returned and saw Tony again. I admitted as I got on the boat and saw Ireland start to drift from view I wondered if I was doing the right thing. But the moment I saw my husband...Tony I knew that I had not made a mistake.

I knew that his mother knew Tony and I were married. But since we didn't tell anyone until I got back, I was still not used to calling Tony my husband. But I loved saying it. I loved saying I was married and married to Tony.

The next day I was told that Tony had only grown worse in the night. I believed his family to blame me for him not having any strength to fight the infection. And I wondered myself. But I was also determinded to see him everyday.

I sat by his bedside each day after work until I grew tired and returned to my place of staying. I sat there holding his hand and willing him to get better. He couldn't leave me. He couldn't, I loved him too much.

Yes, I, the shy little Irish girl, was bold and loud, just like Tony. "I love you, Tony. Please you know that I do love you." I'd say each night before I left.


	3. Chapter 3

This went on for several days. Each night I became more and more concerned due to Tony not seeming to have any change. I was also still unsure on how much he believed that I truly loved him. I wanted Tony back. I wanted my home back.

I knew that Jim was a mistake. I hadn't cheated on Tony, not really. I didn't feel like I should be punished. And if I lost Tony I would be eternitally punished. This injury and infection that Tony had gotten could beat not just Tony but me as well.

About five days after Tony became ill, I went over to his apartment. He was sitting on the sofa in the living room when I arrived. I was both shocked and surprised to see him out of bed. "Tony." I said softly.

He looked at me and smiled and gestured me to come over to him. I slowly over to him and sat next to him. He put his hand on mine in my lap. He hand was warm and I could tell that he was not fully well yet. "Eilis, why did you return to Brooklyn? You had refound your place and home in Ireland. Home is home."

I looked at him. He was still so pale. "Tony, home is home. And my home is no longer Ireland. I found a place that I could possibly belong, if I so choose. But Ireland is in my past. I'm Irish, and Ireland will always be in my heart. But it is not my heart, and it is not my home. You are my home Tony. When I stood against the wall waiting for you to come out of the bakery so many thoughts flooded my mind. As soon as I saw you, I had no doubt that I had made the best decision for me."

"Eilis, you blessed my life by being in it before you left. And when I didn't hear from you much I feared the worst. My life was again blessed when you returned, but then you told me about Jim. I think that you should go back and return to him."

"Tony, I love you."

"You love Jim."

I shook my head. "All I did with Jim was everything you did with me."

"And all I did with you was love you."

He said. I had tears running down my face. "Tony, please." I said softly.

"It's because I love you, that I'm letting you go. Eilis, I want you to be happy. I want you to be happy with your choice."

"I am happy with my choice. I'm happy with you." I again pleaded.

Tony removed his hand from mine and got up. "Goodbye Eilis. We can get an annulment. Our marriage will be as if it never happened." He then slowly left and returned to his room.

I sat there and sobbed. I'd lost Rose, now it looked as though I'd lose Tony too. I couldn't be there for Rose when she needed me. But I wanted to be there for Tony. I had to get him to believe me that he was and is my choice.

I got up to leave when Tony's mother stopped me. "I can see this isn't easy for you Eilis. But whatever happens it will be for the best. Maybe this is what is best for both of you. You can move on. Follow your heart. You can be with who you love."

"I love Tony. I'm in love with Tony. I made a mistake, a mistake. I know I can't take it back. But the last thing I want to go is return to Ireland. I want to be here. This is where I belong. This is where my life is."


	4. Chapter 4

I left and went to the boarding house. I asked Sheila if she knew of any way or thing I could do to win back Tony. She told me, that if she did than she would still be married. So that was no help. So I went to Tony's brother Maruizo. He had always seemed to be in my corner.

I told him my side of the story, which granted did not make me look good. But I then told him how much I truly loved and cared about Tony. To my great relief he told me that he believed me. He said that he wanted to see Tony happy again, and knew that Tony still loved me. So he would do whatever it took to help me.

Maruizo told me first thing is I got to let up a bit on Tony. He was still weak. He was slowly getting better. His fever had mostly broken and doctors said that if he continued to improve that he would be fine. This gave me hope and time. I agreed to leave Tony be for a while. But Maruizo also agreed that he would build me up to Tony.

That night Tony and Maruizo had a talk. "Tony, do you really believe that Eilis no longer loves you?"

"Why would she bring up Jum if she did?" Tony asked.

"Because she felt you had a right to know. She I don't think ever meant to hurt you. I mean I think she knew by telling you, you'd be upset. But I don't believe that she wants your marriage to each other to end."

"Why do you believe she loves me?" Tony asked.

"She told me. Is she perfect? No. But I've never known her to lie. Have you?"

Tony didn't say anything other than he needed to get some rest. Tony maybe realized his brother was right. I had never lied to him. I had always been truthful. I told him about Jim, and my conversation with Miss Kelly that sparked my decision to leave Ireland. None had been anything but true. Tony must have had known that.

Still though he did not come back to me. About a week later of me not coming to see him, I called upon Maruizo. He told me that Tony was still somewhat weak, but was slowly getting back to work. His fever had broken and as long as he took it easy he could return to his job. He said that he was building me up as much as he could, but so far he had seen no change in Tony's attitude toward me. Mostly he didn't want to talk about me or hear about me.

I was heartbroken. Had I actually lost Tony forever? A thought that popped into my head again when I saw him on the street with another young lady walking to a restaurant. I was hurt and a bit mad. How did he not believe me. I was still in Brooklyn. I had not returned to Ireland and had no intention of doing so. And here he was almost right in front of me parading around with someone else.

I decided to comfront him. I walked into the restaurant. "Hello Tony?" I said slightly coldly.

Tony looked up at me. The smile he had suddenly fadded. "Eilis? Hello to you." He then guestured to his date. "Hannah this is Eilis. Eilis this is Hannah."

"Nice to meet you." I said.

"You as well."

"Well I don't want to interupt your meal any longer. Have a good day."

I turned to leave. "Eilis?" I heard Tony say.

I turned back. "Yes Tony?"

"I'm glad to see you."

"I'm glad to see you too. Have a good meal." And at that I left.

I did not attempt to see Tony for the next couple of weeks. I thought it best, to just go about my business at the store. Do whatever I could to not think about him. But I missed him, oh how I missed him. I decided that I would no longer ask Maruizo to help me. In everything that he had told me, it had become clear that Tony wanted to move on past me. That he and I were over. And now, maybe I should think about going back to Ireland. It was clear maybe I had made the wrong decision.

I told Maurizo that he might be right and that I would not bother his family anymore nor Tony. I asked him to tell Tony goodbye for me and I'd be leaving first thing in the morning. Maurizo said that he would pass along the message to Tony. Later that night Maurizo asked me to meet him at the bakery. I did so, not even then was I given a reason. He then said when he saw me that he needed me to go with him and talk. I was so confused. Why could we not talk in the bakery. But I went with him.


	5. Chapter 5

Maruizo took me to the once open field that Tony had before I had gone to Ireland. There in the middle of the field was the start of a house and standing in front of the house was Tony. I had tears in my eyes at this point. Maruizo said that Tony had been working on this when he got injured and in the last two weeks since I'd seen him at the restaurant. He then said he leave the two of us alone.

"So are you now building this for you and Hannah?"

"No. Hannah was just a client. Nothing more. Eilis, I'm so sorry."

"For what do you have to be sorry for?"

"For hurting you. Eilis, you are the most honest and sweetest person I know. And for a moment I had forgotten that. So I started to build this house for us. Then I got injured and became ill. And all along you sat next to me every night showing me and my family how much you care and love me. And still my heart was hardened and unforgiving because of Jim. Can you find it in you to forgive me."

"I have nothing to forgive you for. Tony you had every right to feel as you did. Hannah is nothing to you?"

"No. She is everything to her husband though."

I gave a short chuckle.

"I love you, Eilis."

Emotion overwhelmed me with more force. Tony still loved me. I didn't say anything, just sobbed.

"So Eilis, I ask you again. Do you think you can want to live here with me?"

I looked at him and took a few steps closer. "There is nothing I'd want more." I whispered.

Tony gave his sigh of releif and pulled me in close to him. I looked at him and his lips came close to mine in a long passionate kiss. "So can I still be your wife?" I quietly asked.

"Forever." He answered.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Being home. Tony, thank you for being my home. I love you."

He smiled and then gave me another long, beautiful loving kiss.

End


End file.
